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not everything can be seen by the naked eye.

x srya

lomo cam
▪ polaroid camera
long necklaces
▪ walk around Europe
short hair
▪ backpacking!
▪ write a book
a more random roadtrips!
▪ compose a song
travel locally
▪ travel internationally
▪ be in two places at once
▪ play the guitar
▪ go to africa
▪ make it to california :)



Bituwin - template
Dementee - image

Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.

Wednesday, June 6
desperation.

it hurts like mad fuck. I'M hurting like mad fuck. i didn't know i could ever feel this way. i never thought it could hurt THIS much. the pain is excruciating- almost unbearable. i lie awake at night hoping to fall into a deep sleep but i cant. instead, i spend these few nights wrestling with my thoughts, emotions and the workings of my heart. i wish there was a word that could describe just how much this hurts. everything drives me to tears. what makes things worst is the fact my body refuses to cry it out. it simply refuses. this is possibly a whole new fucking level of imploding.

i'm only human. there's only so much i can take. i am, in all honesty, struggling with this. i'm struggling to find the strength in me to deal with all this. no, i am not alright. i am not fine. my insides are crying and screaming and i can't hear a single damn thing. in a span of a week, one bad news came after another. heartbreak after heartbreak. how do i tell myself to deal with a near-death situation? how do i tell myself to deal with blood that was in my hands? how do i tell myself to deal with a wounded heart? how do i tell myself to let go of something that meant so much?


dear god, i need you. i need you to help me get through this. i'm slowly losing myself and i'm terrified of the thought. i'm terrified of losing my way. i'm terrified of being weak. i'm terrified of hurting everyone around me. i'm terrified of this pain i'm feeling inside. please, help me through this.

Monday, June 4
cry.

If anyone asks,  
I'll tell them we both just moved on 
When people all stare  
I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk  

Whenever I see you,  
I'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue  
Pretend I'm okay with it all  
Act like there's nothing wrong 
 
Is it over yet? 

Can I open my eyes?  
Is this as hard as it gets? 
Is this what it feels like to really cry?
 
If anyone asks, 

I'll tell them we just grew apart 
What do I care If they believe me or not  

Whenever I feel  
Your memory is breaking my heart 
I'll pretend I'm okay with it all  
Act like there's nothing wrong
 

Is it over yet? 
Can I open my eyes? 
Is this as hard as it gets? 
Is this what it feels like to really cry?
 
I'm talking in circles I'm lying, 

they know it 
Why won't this just all go away 
 
Is it over yet?  

Can I open my eyes? 
Is this as hard as it gets? 
Is this what it feels like to really cry?

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Saturday, May 5
dear anonymous,

I can't tell if I had a bad day today. I think I did. Nothing seems to be going right lately. Then again, they didn't really go wrong either; if that even makes sense. Not all bad, I suppose. But it was just enough to make me want to crawl into a shell.
I feel like I'm trying to breathe underwater.
x srya

Friday, May 4
it'a fine romance

Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn

And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around

And our love is pastured such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues strong
But it's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah
I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
Cause I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah
And given half the chance would I take any of it back
It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone
It's always darkest before the dawn
Oh woah, oh woah...

And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my rope
And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark and right at my throat
Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah
x srya

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Friday, April 20
a change of season

You can have a very intense relationship with fictional characters because they are in your own head. - J. K. Rowling

it'd be a hell lot easier for me to write if i actually had something or someone to particularly write about. and maybe i do, inside my head that is. i can name a few, to be honest. i can even name one, if you asked me to. but chances are it won't be the same. no, not really. i can't be writing about the same thing for different names now, can i? if i had to choose though, i'd choose the most significant name. and then i'd write about that name. because that name would be important, somehow.

x srya

Thursday, April 19
I love you more

than i could ever say
or sing or even show

but i need to have you near
so i can feel your heart
next to mine, just so you'll know

i'm never going anywhere
i'll always be right there.
when you need me 'cause i care.

i define shallow, cold, and empty
its cause i feel so strong about you
i apologize for all the times i hurt you
i didnt mean to (that much is true)

and at the end of the day
the only thing that matters
is- i love you


x srya

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Wednesday, April 18
on the edge

do be hurt,
to feel lost,
to be left out in the dark.
to be kicked,
when you're down,
to feel like you've been pushed around.
more than anything else right now, i'm glad that part of my life has passed. thinking back, i'm glad i had you to fall back on- no matter the circumstances. thank you for everything.

x srya

Wednesday, May 25
Buble

When will you say yes to me? Tell me quando, quando, quando.
We can share a love, divine.
Please don't make me wait again.


x srya

Monday, May 9
My feet melt the snow

Back from KK after 3 and a half weeks of Sabah goodness! I never knew how good it felt to be home despite the lack of furniture in my supposed bedroom. In fact, I found it be to pretty quaint. Here's a few things I've learnt over the past month back home (yes I took it as a chance for me to seek some therapy since I've been feeling a little lost lately)

1. It's never good to take someone for granted. Even if you're annoyed, they mean well. So be thankful and appreciate the people who's been there for you cos help doesn't come knocking on your doorsteps all the time.
2. Home is where the heart is. Staying with your parents has it's ups and downs. Lucky you won't have to worry about food and shelter at all :)
3. You can't runaway forever. Sometimes, life happens. So as much as you try to put off dealing with it, you'll have to suck it up sooner or later.
4. Be thankful. Some people don't have the opportunities you do so be grateful for what you have.
5. Trust is a huge responsibility. You can either treat it as a treasure or as a burden. but once shattered, good luck.
6. I taught myself basic French thanks to YouTube and JeFrench.com! Haha

Heh there's a few more things but I'm gonna stop before I go all Gandhi on ya. Haha back in Selangor now and the weather is BLAZING hot! I am seriously worried about the ozone layer :(

New semester awaits and I am dead excited for it to start! Gonna have as much fun as I can :)

Til then, au revoire!

x srya

Tuesday, January 25
silly king














thank you :)

x srya