always.

Wednesday, June 6

desperation.

it hurts like mad fuck. I'M hurting like mad fuck. i didn't know i could ever feel this way. i never thought it could hurt THIS much. the pain is excruciating- almost unbearable. i lie awake at night hoping to fall into a deep sleep but i cant. instead, i spend these few nights wrestling with my thoughts, emotions and the workings of my heart. i wish there was a word that could describe just how much this hurts. everything drives me to tears. what makes things worst is the fact my body refuses to cry it out. it simply refuses. this is possibly a whole new fucking level of imploding.

i'm only human. there's only so much i can take. i am, in all honesty, struggling with this. i'm struggling to find the strength in me to deal with all this. no, i am not alright. i am not fine. my insides are crying and screaming and i can't hear a single damn thing. in a span of a week, one bad news came after another. heartbreak after heartbreak. how do i tell myself to deal with a near-death situation? how do i tell myself to deal with blood that was in my hands? how do i tell myself to deal with a wounded heart? how do i tell myself to let go of something that meant so much?

dear god, i need you. i need you to help me get through this. i'm slowly losing myself and i'm terrified of the thought. i'm terrified of losing my way. i'm terrified of being weak. i'm terrified of hurting everyone around me. i'm terrified of this pain i'm feeling inside. please, help me through this.

Monday, June 4

cry.

If anyone asks,
I'll tell them we both just moved on
When people all stare
I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk

Whenever I see you,
I'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue
Pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?

If anyone asks,
I'll tell them we just grew apart
What do I care If they believe me or not

Whenever I feel
Your memory is breaking my heart
I'll pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?

I'm talking in circles I'm lying,
they know it
Why won't this just all go away

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?

Labels: cry, kelly clarkson

Saturday, May 5

dear anonymous,

I can't tell if I had a bad day today. I think I did. Nothing seems to be going right lately. Then again, they didn't really go wrong either; if that even makes sense. Not all bad, I suppose. But it was just enough to make me want to crawl into a shell.

I feel like I'm trying to breathe underwater.

x srya

Friday, May 4

it'a fine romance

Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play

And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn

And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around

And our love is pastured such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues strong
But it's always darkest before the dawn

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah
I am done with my graceless heart
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart
Cause I like to keep my issues strong
It's always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah
And given half the chance would I take any of it back
It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone
It's always darkest before the dawn
Oh woah, oh woah...

And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my rope
And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark and right at my throat
Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh woah

x srya

Labels: florence + the machine, shake it out

Friday, April 20

a change of season

You can have a very intense relationship with fictional characters because they are in your own head. - J. K. Rowling

it'd be a hell lot easier for me to write if i actually had something or someone to particularly write about. and maybe i do, inside my head that is. i can name a few, to be honest. i can even name one, if you asked me to. but chances are it won't be the same. no, not really. i can't be writing about the same thing for different names now, can i? if i had to choose though, i'd choose the most significant name. and then i'd write about that name. because that name would be important, somehow.

x srya

Thursday, April 19

I love you more

than i could ever say
or sing or even show

but i need to have you near
so i can feel your heart
next to mine, just so you'll know

i'm never going anywhere
i'll always be right there.
when you need me 'cause i care.

i define shallow, cold, and empty
its cause i feel so strong about you
i apologize for all the times i hurt you
i didnt mean to (that much is true)

and at the end of the day
the only thing that matters
is- i love you

x srya

Labels: james hindle, love you more

Wednesday, April 18

on the edge

do be hurt,
to feel lost,
to be left out in the dark.
to be kicked,
when you're down,
to feel like you've been pushed around.

more than anything else right now, i'm glad that part of my life has passed. thinking back, i'm glad i had you to fall back on- no matter the circumstances. thank you for everything.

x srya

Wednesday, May 25

Buble

When will you say yes to me? Tell me quando, quando, quando.
We can share a love, divine.
Please don't make me wait again.

x srya

Monday, May 9

My feet melt the snow

Back from KK after 3 and a half weeks of Sabah goodness! I never knew how good it felt to be home despite the lack of furniture in my supposed bedroom. In fact, I found it be to pretty quaint. Here's a few things I've learnt over the past month back home (yes I took it as a chance for me to seek some therapy since I've been feeling a little lost lately)

1. It's never good to take someone for granted. Even if you're annoyed, they mean well. So be thankful and appreciate the people who's been there for you cos help doesn't come knocking on your doorsteps all the time.
2. Home is where the heart is. Staying with your parents has it's ups and downs. Lucky you won't have to worry about food and shelter at all :)
3. You can't runaway forever. Sometimes, life happens. So as much as you try to put off dealing with it, you'll have to suck it up sooner or later.
4. Be thankful. Some people don't have the opportunities you do so be grateful for what you have.
5. Trust is a huge responsibility. You can either treat it as a treasure or as a burden. but once shattered, good luck.
6. I taught myself basic French thanks to YouTube and JeFrench.com! Haha

Heh there's a few more things but I'm gonna stop before I go all Gandhi on ya. Haha back in Selangor now and the weather is BLAZING hot! I am seriously worried about the ozone layer :(

New semester awaits and I am dead excited for it to start! Gonna have as much fun as I can :)

Til then, au revoire!

x srya

Tuesday, January 25

silly king

thank you :)

x srya


not everything can be seen by the naked eye. x srya ▪ ~~lomo cam~~ ▪ polaroid camera ▪ ~~long necklaces~~ ▪ walk around Europe ▪ ~~short hair~~ ▪ backpacking! ▪ write a book ▪ a more random roadtrips! ▪ compose a song ▪ ~~travel locally~~ ▪ travel internationally ▪ be in two places at once ▪ play the guitar ▪ go to africa ▪ make it to california :) Sara ♥ Noer ♥ Brandon ♥ Awefully Written Alvin Crinkles Mercy Nana Precious Rach K Thalia December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 July 2009 August 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 May 2011 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 Bituwin - template Dementee - image Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.	Wednesday, June 6 desperation. it hurts like mad fuck. I'M hurting like mad fuck. i didn't know i could ever feel this way. i never thought it could hurt THIS much. the pain is excruciating- almost unbearable. i lie awake at night hoping to fall into a deep sleep but i cant. instead, i spend these few nights wrestling with my thoughts, emotions and the workings of my heart. i wish there was a word that could describe just how much this hurts. everything drives me to tears. what makes things worst is the fact my body refuses to cry it out. it simply refuses. this is possibly a whole new fucking level of imploding. i'm only human. there's only so much i can take. i am, in all honesty, struggling with this. i'm struggling to find the strength in me to deal with all this. no, i am not alright. i am not fine. my insides are crying and screaming and i can't hear a single damn thing. in a span of a week, one bad news came after another. heartbreak after heartbreak. how do i tell myself to deal with a near-death situation? how do i tell myself to deal with blood that was in my hands? how do i tell myself to deal with a wounded heart? how do i tell myself to let go of something that meant so much? dear god, i need you. i need you to help me get through this. i'm slowly losing myself and i'm terrified of the thought. i'm terrified of losing my way. i'm terrified of being weak. i'm terrified of hurting everyone around me. i'm terrified of this pain i'm feeling inside. please, help me through this. 02:48 · Monday, June 4 cry. If anyone asks, I'll tell them we both just moved on When people all stare I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk Whenever I see you, I'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue Pretend I'm okay with it all Act like there's nothing wrong Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes? Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry? If anyone asks, I'll tell them we just grew apart What do I care If they believe me or not Whenever I feel Your memory is breaking my heart I'll pretend I'm okay with it all Act like there's nothing wrong Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes? Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry? I'm talking in circles I'm lying, they know it Why won't this just all go away Is it over yet? Can I open my eyes? Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry? Labels: cry, kelly clarkson 20:49 · Saturday, May 5 dear anonymous, I can't tell if I had a bad day today. I think I did. Nothing seems to be going right lately. Then again, they didn't really go wrong either; if that even makes sense. Not all bad, I suppose. But it was just enough to make me want to crawl into a shell. I feel like I'm trying to breathe underwater. x srya 01:01 · Friday, May 4 it'a fine romance Regrets collect like old friends Here to relive your darkest moments I can see no way, I can see no way And all of the ghouls come out to play And every demon wants his pound of flesh But I like to keep some things to myself I like to keep my issues strong It's always darkest before the dawn And I've been a fool and I've been blind I can never leave the past behind I can see no way, I can see no way I'm always dragging that horse around And our love is pastured such a mournful sound Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground So I like to keep my issues strong But it's always darkest before the dawn Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back So shake him off, oh woah I am done with my graceless heart So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart Cause I like to keep my issues strong It's always darkest before the dawn Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back So shake him off, oh woah And given half the chance would I take any of it back It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone It's always darkest before the dawn Oh woah, oh woah... And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my rope And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope It's a shot in the dark and right at my throat Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me Looking for heaven, found the devil in me Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh woaaah And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back So shake him off, oh woah x srya Labels: florence + the machine, shake it out 18:49 · Friday, April 20 a change of season You can have a very intense relationship with fictional characters because they are in your own head. - J. K. Rowling it'd be a hell lot easier for me to write if i actually had something or someone to particularly write about. and maybe i do, inside my head that is. i can name a few, to be honest. i can even name one, if you asked me to. but chances are it won't be the same. no, not really. i can't be writing about the same thing for different names now, can i? if i had to choose though, i'd choose the most significant name. and then i'd write about that name. because that name would be important, somehow. x srya 01:36 · Thursday, April 19 I love you more than i could ever say or sing or even show but i need to have you near so i can feel your heart next to mine, just so you'll know i'm never going anywhere i'll always be right there. when you need me 'cause i care. i define shallow, cold, and empty its cause i feel so strong about you i apologize for all the times i hurt you i didnt mean to (that much is true) and at the end of the day the only thing that matters is- i love you x srya Labels: james hindle, love you more 23:17 · Wednesday, April 18 on the edge do be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark. to be kicked, when you're down, to feel like you've been pushed around. more than anything else right now, i'm glad that part of my life has passed. thinking back, i'm glad i had you to fall back on- no matter the circumstances. thank you for everything. x srya 16:12 · Wednesday, May 25 Buble When will you say yes to me? Tell me quando, quando, quando. We can share a love, divine. Please don't make me wait again. x srya 10:40 · Monday, May 9 My feet melt the snow Back from KK after 3 and a half weeks of Sabah goodness! I never knew how good it felt to be home despite the lack of furniture in my supposed bedroom. In fact, I found it be to pretty quaint. Here's a few things I've learnt over the past month back home (yes I took it as a chance for me to seek some therapy since I've been feeling a little lost lately) 1. It's never good to take someone for granted. Even if you're annoyed, they mean well. So be thankful and appreciate the people who's been there for you cos help doesn't come knocking on your doorsteps all the time. 2. Home is where the heart is. Staying with your parents has it's ups and downs. Lucky you won't have to worry about food and shelter at all :) 3. You can't runaway forever. Sometimes, life happens. So as much as you try to put off dealing with it, you'll have to suck it up sooner or later. 4. Be thankful. Some people don't have the opportunities you do so be grateful for what you have. 5. Trust is a huge responsibility. You can either treat it as a treasure or as a burden. but once shattered, good luck. 6. I taught myself basic French thanks to YouTube and JeFrench.com! Haha Heh there's a few more things but I'm gonna stop before I go all Gandhi on ya. Haha back in Selangor now and the weather is BLAZING hot! I am seriously worried about the ozone layer :( New semester awaits and I am dead excited for it to start! Gonna have as much fun as I can :) Til then, au revoire! x srya 03:45 · Tuesday, January 25 silly king thank you :) x srya 04:24 ·